6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
