i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
