My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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