He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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