But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
