My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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