after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
