oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
