He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
