My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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