I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
