dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
