i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
