Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
