her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
