I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This baby is an asshole
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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