just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
