One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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