I'm really into asian looking animals
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
love makes seman taste better
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
