He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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