My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
