Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
