Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
