Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at about main and main street
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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