You smell like a Billy Joel song
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
