I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
