can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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