I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
