I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
