I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
