everyone is single if you try hard enough
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
