Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
