what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
