why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
