I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
