You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
