NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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