i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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