We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
