Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
