dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
