that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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