Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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