Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
