I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
