so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
