WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he thought i was a dude.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
