8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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