Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
