sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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